When my twin sons were around 7 years old and struggling to manage their frustration and lashing out, I found an analogy they could physically do and mentally understand at their age.

I bought a tube of generic toothpaste for each of them and sat them down at the table with paper plates.

ME: "Ok, I want you to use the toothpaste and squeeze it all onto the paper plate. Decorate it however you want, but you must get it all out!"

Oh, the joy of doing something like this when mom never lets you touch the toothpaste tube when it's brush time! When they finished, I celebrated their art and asked if they had fun?

TWINS: "Yes, mom! I LOVE that!"

ME: "Alright, now I want you to put all the toothpaste back in the tube."

They looked at their plates, looked at each other, and then looked at me.

TWINS: "Um, mom? We can't do that."

ME: "Oh, really? Interesting!"

Feeling as if my experiment had succeeded, I continued to explain.

ME: "When you are angry, and you feel like a soda can ready to pop, you allow all your hurtful words to come out at someone; that is like squeezing all the toothpaste out of the tube. Letting them all out is easier at the moment and might feel fun or funny, but you can’t take those words back. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. So next time, remember before you squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube in anger how impossible it is to put it back in the tube."

While this experiment would not yield immediate results, I could refer back to it at the moment I saw the frustration or anger start to build. Over time, they learned the signs and feelings of those moments and began to rewire the neural pathways in their brains to make different choices. I believe the steps over time looked like this:

Step 1: Awakening

Step 2: Awareness and desire to change.

Step 3: Acknowledgement and accountability

Step 4: Willingness to change.

When considering how our brains function, it would be helpful in our lives and businesses if we gave the space to When you face a challenging conversation, perspective, or social media post…pause. When you feel insecure, anxious, or frustrated, allow yourself the time you need to:

• be aware of what you are feeling

• take the time to feel those feelings

• remind yourself that there’s no time limit to a response

If a response feels immediate to you, consider practicing asking for the space and time you may need to process what you are hearing or experiencing. Then, let the other person know you will get back to them when you feel ready.

As you pause, you have the opportunity to reflect on your perspective and the perspectives of others. You may recognize in this calmer state that you wish not to engage further in conversation or with the relationship. (Thank you, prefrontal cortex, you’re my hero!)

Be mindful of your past, your habits, and thoughts that are not facts. Your past experiences can cause a bias or expectation of how a situation should go. Your habits could cause you to respond in a way that no longer serves you. Your insecurities could get in the way of making confident choices and leaving in fight or flight reactions to situations.

While this practice will also not yield immediate results, daily routine will -this will take work.