🧠 Weekly Mind Sweep #92| Curated Conversation | Failure
October 2023
*Week 92: Curated Conversation; Failure
Week 93: Mind Your Business; Failure
Week 94: Manage Your Mind; Failure
Week 95: What’s On My Mind; Failure
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Let’s sweep the brain…
fail·ure
/ˈfālyər/
noun
lack of success.
the omission of expected or required action.
Let’s Sweep the Brain…
Six people from my community entered the Hopkinton Center for the Arts this past Friday night for the first of two Project Empathy performances. None of us have acting experience, but all have a vulnerable story to tell.
We gathered for three months of writing, editing, and learning how to embody a story.
During the process, we handed our story over to a partner and, in turn, received a personal story to tell. We spent time getting to know our partners and cast mates on a deeper level, and with heartfelt empathy, it was all coming down to this moment in the spotlight. We'd experience the depths of our lives shared with a room of people we didn't know. We'd stand before a live audience and embody our partner's experience.
I remember the rehearsal day when our directors told us we'd need to memorize pages of content; I felt fear wash over my body.
Can I do this? What the heck did I sign up for? You want me to do WHAT?!
From that day forward, I set a goal to memorize this story and tell it with empathy, emotion, and passion.
I reached out to colleagues for advice on remembering all these words.
I'd wake each day, head out on my morning walk with Walter, and listen to a recording of myself reading the story.
I'd begin to memorize paragraphs and attempt to speak with the recording.
We were all committed to giving 100% effort with the intent to show up for our partners.
As the weeks passed, we'd work with our directors to learn ways to deliver our partner's story so that the audience could experience the feeling of the story rather than being read to. Back on our own, the daily practice increased to several times a day, using additional tools such as writing the story out by hand, reading, and listening. We'd begin to say paragraphs without looking at our papers. We'd all arrive at a place where we would start to embody the story as if it were our own.
And then the day came when directors took our "scripts" away.
I panicked.
That September 10th rehearsal has made an impact on my life going forward. I stood up before my peers with no words. My eyes welled up with tears, my mouth went dry, and I couldn't even say a word from my partner's story. The cast and crew surrounded me with caring words, their entire presence, and a safe space to allow my tears to fall with genuine compassion.
I remember my inner voice being kind. I recognized that something was coming up for me that was bigger than myself. From the definition of failure, I had set a goal, expected to succeed, and had not done what I set out to do.
I would not label this experience a failure but rather an opportunity.
A failure is not necessarily a bad thing. In contrast, most failures allow you to gain new insights about yourself.
I recognized the invitation to feel through emotions of shame, fear, guilt, and the acceptance that I could not tell this story at that moment.
I'd nurture myself from past experiences that bubbled to the surface and were now ready to be healed.
I listened to my heart reach for support in processing this with a mentor, supporter, and friend, Pam Formosa of Brain Fit Academy. [*1]
The following week, I began to have access to all of the words of my script that I had spent hours practicing.
I arrived to practice with my script in my pocket and told the story from start to finish.
With only two weeks until performance day, I'd continue to practice and begin to embody the feelings and emotions that my partner may have experienced. I'd make note cards to take with me on the go. Every day, I would have times that I would mistakenly move paragraphs around, forget essential sentences, and feel very challenged by the word trajectory [*2]. Each time I'd experience this "failure", I'd remind myself this was all part of the memorization process, take a breath, and start over.
I entered the green room on Friday with my fellow Project Empathy partners. You could feel the energy and excitement of the moment, the adrenaline, anxiety, and pressure we were all experiencing. We'd all spend countless hours writing our story, handing it over, and memorizing pages of lived experiences. About 10 minutes before the curtain, I pulled out my notecards and script and put them in my pocket.
"Wait, will you take those out there with you?"
Me: "Yes. I know every word I need to say, but if I lose my way at any time, it's more important to me that I tell my partner's story than perform it without a paper in hand. I have zero shame in using tools that support that goal."
"That's brilliant. You are so right. This experience isn't about performing it perfectly."
Whether I used my notes or script or performed it from memory, this experience would be a success.
Failure is in the eye of the beholder. You get to:
Decide what it means to you.
Become aware of how you talk to yourself and others when these moments arise.
Determine what is a failure and what is not.
I'd set out to achieve a goal and, by definition, failed several times leading up to performance day.
Every member of the 2023 Project Empathy [*3] delivered a powerful, meaningful, and life-changing performance this past Friday and Saturday night while remaining supportive, loving, and kind to each other and, more importantly, to ourselves.
All of that "failure" provided an opportunity for triumph.
How do you define failure for yourself? How might you judge the failure of others? How does this perspective effect your business and relationships?
[*1] Pam Formosa of Brain Fit Academy welcomed me to her space to dig deeper into what I was experiencing. Through her wealth of experience and tools from Brain Gym and Emotional Code, we able to work on my morrow responses that hadn’t fully developed and clear trauma I didn’t even know existed.
[*2] Trajectory - for some reason this word was a mouthful for me to say out loud. It was in my script TWICE! I’m not proficient in saying it!
[*3] Project Empathy - This won’t be my last sharing of this life-changing experience. If you are interested to learn more and get involved- Project Empathy. If you were there, I’d LOVE to hear your audience experience
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An intense conversation, a spat with a partner, or even an obnoxious tweet—these situations aren’t life-or-death, yet we often react as if they are. That’s because our bodies treat most perceived threats the same way. Yet one approach has proven to be incredibly effective in training our nervous system to stop overreacting and start responding to the world with greater safety and ease: Polyvagal Theory.
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