🧠Weekly Mind Sweep #79 | Curated Conversation | Permission
July 2023
*Week 79: Curated Conversation; Permission
Week 80: Mind Your Business; Permission
Week 81: Manage Your Mind; Permission
Week 82: What’s On My Mind; Permission
New to the Weekly MindSweep? Past issues live here.
Let’s sweep the brain…
per·mis·sion
noun
consent; authorization.
the consent of a person in authority.
All our lives, we've been conditioned to ask for permission.
As children, the adults in our lives teach us that good things will happen if we follow the rules.
We kindly ask permission to excuse ourselves from the table. We're taught in elementary school to ask permission to use the bathroom. In our teens, we ask permission to use an adult’s car or to stay out late. The older and wiser adult sets the rules for us to abide by.
Permission is power.
As a grown adults, there are still places that we may need to ask for permission when things are outside of our authority. Rules that support living in a civil society include not parking on other people's property, asking our city or town for a building permit, or using manners like asking
someone to pass the pickles from across the table.
It can also be respectful in a relationship when you want to offer care and concern to a partner to discuss consent and reach a mutual agreement so either person can say yes or no.
But when do we begin to take responsibility and ownership of our choices?
Granted, it's only been:
103 years since women could vote for the first time.
100 years since we've been allowed to wear pants
53 years of being able to have our own credit cards without a husband.
2 years since the United States' first woman Vice President was elected
1 year since women lost permission over reproductive rights.
It's no wonder women may still feel conditioned to ask for permission.
Regarding our autonomy, inner voice, and choice, permission is the wrong word.
Let’s sweep the brain…
We don't need to permit ourselves to:
Leave a job that is no longer serving us
Make more money
Generate passive income
Write a book
Speak the truth out loud
Ask for support when we need it
Make decisions not only for our wants but especially for our needs
Change your mind. Even when you've said what you wanted out loud
Wear clothes you like
Be more creative
We are our own authority.
We get lured into the story [*1] we tell ourselves:
I will fail
People won't like what I'm offering
People will think I'm crazy
I can't afford it
It will be hard
People won't like me
People will judge me
My [friend/family/partner] won't approve
I don't have the time [*2]
I don't deserve it
What we are really doing when we look outside of ourselves for permission is seeking validation so that we feel at ease.
We're not looking for permission; we're seeking emotional regulation.
If someone tells us it's OK not to do something we are uncomfortable doing, we don't have to jump. We want someone to stop us because staying safe is more comfortable.
Being uncomfortable is hard.
Try this exercise twice. Once with the story you tell yourself, then again with the facts.
I've always wanted to_________.
I've stopped myself because_________.
What I needed was_______.
Successful people don't ask for permission; they sit uncomfortably, resisting the impulse to do so.
They look doubt in the face and say, "Watch me," and they just do.
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Save your seat by the fire!
This has become a new space for my digressions.
[*1 ] Your brain is an organ that streamlines processing thoughts. It does not always tell us facts.
[*2 ] Yes, you do have the time. You’re not making it a priority.
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What I’m reading
dopamine nation
In Dopamine Nation, Dr. Anna Lembke, psychiatrist and author, explores the exciting new scientific discoveries that explain why the relentless pursuit of pleasure leads to pain . . . and what to do about it. Condensing complex neuroscience into easy-to-understand metaphors, Lembke illustrates how finding contentment and connectedness means keeping dopamine in check. The lived experiences of her patients are the gripping fabric of her narrative. Their riveting stories of suffering and redemption give us all hope for managing our consumption and transforming our lives. In essence, Dopamine Nation shows that the secret to finding balance is combining the science of desire with the wisdom of recovery.
What I’m listening to:
The Knowledge Project
#169 Dr. Julie Gurner (Part 1): Caring Deeply, Challenging Directly
On the first of two special episodes, acclaimed executive performance coach and doctor of psychology Dr. Julie Gurner goes in-depth on a variety of strategies and actionable advice that will help you perform up to your potential.
During this portion of her interview, Dr. Gurner discusses discipline, motivation, the imaginary rules we learned as children that hold us back today, setting boundaries, the advantages of caring deeply and challenging directly, and much more.
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