per·mis·sion

noun

consent; authorization.

the consent of a person in authority.

All our lives, we've been conditioned to ask for permission. 

As children, the adults in our lives teach us that good things will happen if we follow the rules. 

We kindly ask permission to excuse ourselves from the table. We're taught in elementary school to ask permission to use the bathroom. In our teens, we ask permission to use an adult’s car or to stay out late. The older and wiser adult sets the rules for us to abide by.

Permission is power.

As a grown adults, there are still places that we may need to ask for permission when things are outside of our authority. Rules that support living in a civil society include not parking on other people's property, asking our city or town for a building permit, or using manners like asking 

someone to pass the pickles from across the table.

It can also be respectful in a relationship when you want to offer care and concern to a partner to discuss consent and reach a mutual agreement so either person can say yes or no.

But when do we begin to take responsibility and ownership of our choices?

Granted, it's only been: 

• 103 years since women could vote for the first time.

• 100 years since we've been allowed to wear pants

• 53 years of being able to have our own credit cards without a husband.

• 2 years since the United States' first woman Vice President was elected

• 1 year since women lost permission over reproductive rights.

It's no wonder women may still feel conditioned to ask for permission.

Regarding our autonomy, inner voice, and choice, permission is the wrong word.

Let’s sweep the brain…

We don't need to permit ourselves to:

• Leave a job that is no longer serving us

• Make more money

• Generate passive income

• Write a book

• Speak the truth out loud

• Ask for support when we need it

• Make decisions not only for our wants but especially for our needs

• Change your mind. Even when you've said what you wanted out loud

• Wear clothes you like

• Be more creative

We are our own authority.

We get lured into the story [*1] we tell ourselves:

• I will fail

• People won't like what I'm offering

• People will think I'm crazy

• I can't afford it

• It will be hard

• People won't like me

• People will judge me

• My [friend/family/partner] won't approve

• I don't have the time [*2]

• I don't deserve it

What we are really doing when we look outside of ourselves for permission is seeking validation so that we feel at ease. 

We're not looking for permission; we're seeking emotional regulation.

If someone tells us it's OK not to do something we are uncomfortable doing, we don't have to jump. We want someone to stop us because staying safe is more comfortable.

Being uncomfortable is hard.

Try this exercise twice. Once with the story you tell yourself, then again with the facts.

• I've always wanted to_________.

• I've stopped myself because_________.

• What I needed was_______.

Successful people don't ask for permission; they sit uncomfortably, resisting the impulse to do so.

They look doubt in the face and say, "Watch me," and they just do.

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Save your seat by the fire!

This has become a new space for my digressions.

[*1 ] Your brain is an organ that streamlines processing thoughts. It does not always tell us facts.

[*2 ] Yes, you do have the time. You’re not making it a priority.

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